Bedroom Magic

Posts Tagged ‘lack of communication’

Love, passion and lust these are very deep and thought provoking topics that can make anyone’s lips crave or sour in pain. It is in human nature to seek or be curious about these scintillating ideas. After a hard day’s work, at least for some of us, who are in a relationship or single; we tend to wonder, is the grass greener on the other side or are we just doomed to live a repetitive and predictive lifestyle. How Painful.

The Dating ritual is part of human nature; we are not born to know these cues and signals, but are unofficially taught by family, friends and by excruciatingly observing mainstream media. By my personal experience it takes work, lots of works, and for most people, after they achieve their minor realization, they tend to stretch their legs and begin their vacation.

Valentine’s Day offers a powerful platform for both SEXES in this modern age to stake a claim at proving and sharing their sentiments with flowers, jewelry and others : they’ll still drive your partner crazy. Furthermore, the truth is it’s beyond that because after all the gifts, maybe even buying a private jet. If there’s no/lack of communication, bond, partnership and sharing of ideas. Well guess what, all the insecure nightmares imaginable will come true.

People who hate Valentine for obvious reasons should stop whining; there’s more than enough help to either build/strengthen a relationship or enjoy a carefree, wild casual lifestyle: your choice. Valentine is a window that can …..excerpt from IQine blog

I’m an enthusiastic technological writer that is keen on constantly researching and enlightening people who seek out solutions to make their personal and professional more productive and efficient. I have a huge sense of humor, and prefer working on topics that are fun, stimulating and sometimes rare. I also love to help.
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Tags: casual lifestyle, valentine s day, mainstream media, article source, lack of communication

We all have many addictive ways of avoiding feeling our painful feelings and taking responsibility for them. Some of the ways are obvious, such as using substances and processes. Some of the ways can be very subtle.

Leon often struggled with feeling empty inside. Inner emptiness is a symptom of a lack of love inside, and Leon frequently created this inner lack of love with his self-judgments and staying in his head – ignoring his feelings. Sometimes he would fill the emptiness with food, work or TV. But other times he would act out addictively by bringing up issues – generally the same issues over and over – with his wife Susan.

The major issue he focused on was how they spent money. He would start the conversation by stating, “We really need to talk about the money situation.” Susan would feel a knot in her stomach, knowing that Leon was aching for an endless discussion about money that would likely end in a fight and distance. She felt like she was in a no-win: if she talked about money, it would go on for hours and end in anger. If she didn’t, she would be accused of withdrawing and running away from problems. There seemed to be no good way out for Susan.

Eventually, Susan learned to trust her feelings and say to Leon, “I will be happy to talk with you about anything when you are open, but right now your energy feels closed. Let me know when you are feeling really great and then we can talk about it.” Not surprisingly, Leon never approaches her to talk about money when he is feeling good!

Carole periodically says to Rick, “We need to talk about our lack of communication.” Rick immediately knows that Carole is feeling badly and is trying to feel better by getting in to a long and drawn-out conversation about their lack of communication. If he engages, he ends up angry. If he doesn’t, he gets blamed for not communicating. Rick has learned to disengage just as Susan has, saying, “I’d love to communicate with you about anything when you are open, but right now my experience of you is that you are angry, and we are not going to get anywhere. Let me know when you are feeling good and then we can talk about anything you want.” Again, when Carole is feeling happy, she never brings up their lack of communication!

The subject can be anything – child raising, how time is spend, how much TV kids watch, health, nutrition, how clean or dirty the house is, chores that need to be done. It is not that these things don’t need to be discussed – they often do. But there is a huge difference between approaching your partner from a true desire to learn and resolve issues, or a desire to avoid your anxiety, emptiness, loneliness, heartache, or helplessness.

LOVINGLY DISENGAGING

If you are the partner at the other end of what may feel like an attack – even though it is couched as a question or a statement of wanting to talk – your best bet is to trust your stomach! If your stomach gets tight when your partner comes to you to talk, trust it. Learn to take loving care of yourself by refusing to talk when you are picking up your partner’s needy, abandoned, or angry energy. Recognize that your partner is acting out addictively to avoid responsibility for his or her own feelings, and that trying to talk will only create more conflict.

However, it is most important when you disengage, that you do not withdraw your love. It might even be helpful if you give your partner a sincere hug, coming from your compassion at knowing that your partner is hurting. Let your partner know that when he or she is open to learning, you will be there – to talk about an issue or to be of help with whatever your partner is feeling.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Ready to join the thousands who have discovered addiction-free joy? Learn Inner Bonding now! Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available.Article Source:http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/avoiding-your-feelings-by-focusing-on-your-partner-1547306.html

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Tags: inner emptiness, painful feelings, lack of communication, money situation, food work